


What William Wants

by Beserk



Series: Run, Buddy, Run [2]
Category: The Boys (TV 2019)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-08 00:04:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21226481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beserk/pseuds/Beserk
Summary: "I can study at NYU, and live at home," William points out. That's his plan. His teachers at school are really shocked at that- they want him to go to MIT or Harvard. Some of these places have already started making noises about giving him a scholarship for, like, next year. He can't, though. That's in Boston. That's way too far away from Billy.****Takes place immediately after Run, Buddy, Run





	1. Chapter 1

"You're home earlier than I expected."

William looks up to see Billy sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper. He doesn’t even look up when William closes the door behind himself, and William grins and rushes forward, slumping down on the couch.

"Zoo wasn't good?" Billy puts the newspaper down. William frowns and looks deep into Billy's eyes. He'd cried since William's ben gone, but not that much. That's good. There's nothing William hates more than coming home and realizing Billy's been crying a lot. Billy never cries when William is there, and sure, it might be because he doesn’t want William to see him sad (in fact it probably is that). But William likes to imagine that it's because Billy doesn’t _want_ to cry when William is there, that William makes him happy just by being there. Like how Billy makes William calm just by being there.

With that depressing thought in his mind, he breathes out and places his head on Billy's shoulder. He listens to Billy's heart beat and says, "We didn't go to the zoo in the end. It was closed because some guy snuck in and killed all the whales."

"Bloody hell," Billy rolls his eyes. "What he do that for?"

"Well," William leans in. "I heard a zoo worker say that it's probably to try and get The Deep to come back-"

"Deep's dead, William," Billy sighs.

William frowns, "_I_ know that. _They_ don't. His body was never found, you know."

"Yeah," Billy smirks, meaning he knows what happened to The Deep's body and it wasn't really good. "Well, that's a shame. Your auntie just took you back here?"

"No, we went to Auntie Rachel's place," William replies, then bites his lip. "And then to Mom's grave."

That earns him a small smile and Billy ruffles his hair, "We'll go together soon, yeah?"

William nods, "I'll pick some flowers to leave there."

The hand on his head squeezes gently.

"Anyways," William says, trying to change the mood. "I'm going to make meatballs."

"What now?" That gets Billy's attention, and he pushes himself up to smirk at William. "You gonna make_ grub_?"

"Don't be so shocked," William grins. "Aunt Rachel taught me after we got home. I thought I need to start learning how to cook. So I can help around the house."

"Oh, lad," Billy sighs and rubs his face. "You don't need to help 'round the house. That's my job. Yours is to…be a lad."

"But I'm not anymore," William replies. "I'm having my Bar Mitzvah in two months, then I'll officially be an adult!"

"That so?" Billy smirks. "Can get boozed yet?"

"No-"

"Can drive a car?"

"I _wish_."

"How 'bout go to war?"

William crosses his arms, "Fine. No."

"Then you ain't a grownup," Billy replies smugly, and William pushes Billy on his chest playfully. Billy grins and wraps an arm around William's shoulder fondly. "And you ain't need to cook. Let me take care of you 'fore you leave."

"Leave?" William tilts his head up. "When am I going to leave? And where am I leaving to?"

Billy smirks, "Wouldn't know. But you're growin', you'll leave one day."

"No," William pushes slightly away from Billy. "I won't leave you alone with _him_. I'm not going anywhere."

"William, 'course you're gonna leave."

"I am not," William seethes, glaring at Billy. Billy just sighs and steers William with him to the kitchen and moves over to the fridge.

"You're gonna go study, or…war," Billy waves his hands wildly in the air.

"I can study at NYU, and live at home," William points out. That's his plan. His teachers at school are really shocked at that- they want him to go to MIT or Harvard. Some of these places have already started making noises about giving him a scholarship for, like, next year. He can't, though. That's in_ Boston_. That's_ way_ too far away from Billy.

"William," Billy sighs deeply and takes a package of meat out of the fridge. "You ain't…ain't able to stay with me forever. You'll grow, you'll have a life of your own."

"But you-"

"I'll be here," Billy promises. "Always, yeah? I'll always be here for you."

"And I'll always be there for you, as well-"

"William!" Billy snaps, and William immediately closes his mouth. Billy sighs and leans against the counter. "I'm alright. I'll be alright. And you'll be all right out there, without me."

William shakes his head, "I don’t think I will be, though."

_And I don't think you'll be all right without me, either._

Billy hums at that, and then says, "'Course you will. You'll know how to make hamburgers."

"Ooh, you'll teach me?"

"Can't let your auntie have all the fun now, can I? Get a bowl and we'll get started, yeah?"

William grins and rushes to obey.

*

He's too old for nightmares. He really is. He's almost thirteen, for fuck's sake (nearly five years of living with Billy has made him one hell of a swearer. Mom would cry if she knew. It's not enough to make him stop, but it's enough to make him feel just a bit guilty when he lets out a really bad one), and thirteen-year-olds don't go into their father's bed at three in the morning because he had a nightmare. He shouldn't have done that when he was eleven either, but when he was eleven Billy had let him. When William had woken up from a nightmare and rushed into the master bedroom, Billy would just raise his blanket and let William climb in.

But then that stupid, stupid therapist had come and told Billy (yes, William had eavesdropped on their conversation, who could blame him?) that, "Billy, I know William has suffered a lot with his mother's death-" Because that's the only part of William's trauma he's allowed to talk about with his therapists (he's been sent to four so far) "-but you can't let him sleep in your bed anymore. You're allowing him to cling to you like you're the only thing in the world that will keep him safe. That's not healthy."

"I don't…he has his mates, and he has school, and his mum's family-"

"I understand that, but it's healthy to encourage independence, you can't let him sleep in your bed forever, even if it does make him feel safe."

"Bloody hell, why not?"

"Because, Billy, what you're doing when you let him into your bed night after night is telling him that he's right and there's something to be scared of. And in the end, that will just make him more scared."

"So, what, you want me to let him suffer?"

"No, of course not. You're seeing things in black-in-white. One thing you could do is go back to his bedroom with him when he comes to wake you up. Take him back to his room, sit beside him until he falls back asleep and show him that there's nothing scary in his room, but that you're still there for him."

Man, William has never hated anyone quite as much as he does that therapist. Well, expect for one person. But he tries very hard not to think about…_him…_ anymore.

After that meeting with the therapist, Billy had started to take William back to bed when he woke up. Honestly, William doesn’t have as much nightmares as he used to, now. But he really misses snuggling in bed with Billy, making sure his hands are curled into fists so he doesn’t hurt Billy in his sleep. He'd fall asleep listening to Billy's heartbeat, feeling safe and comfortable. It's easier to sleep deeply when he knows that Billy is right there.

And this nightmare- this nightmare has been really bad. He doesn’t want to calm himself from it. He wants Billy to calm him down. So he closes his eyes and listens, hearing Billy's heartbeat close. It's not always there. Often, Billy sleeps in the barn. Actually, almost every night. William hates that.

When William had woken up almost every night, Billy had put a baby monitor in his bedroom that he took with him to the barn, which was ridiculously embarrassing. But also good, because it meant Billy would rush back to the house to him when he started screaming.

Billy doesn't do that anymore; William doesn't have enough nightmares for there to be a reason for it. Luckily, Billy _is_ in his bed, so William paddles his way through the corridor to Billy's bedroom. If Billy wasn't there, William would scream out to him. That gives him around a fifty-fifty chance of getting Billy back. It depends on whether or not Homelander will let Billy know that William is screaming for him.

"Billy?" William whispers, opening the door. "Hi, Billy-"

"Wha…" Billy groans and peers through his blankets.

"Sorry," William mumbles. "I had a nightmare."

Billy pushes his blanket down and sits up, "Come here."

"Really?"

"Just tonight, yeah?" Billy's smiling slightly and motions William over. William grins and rushes over, snuggling under the covers.

He turns under the covers so he and Billy are almost nose to nose.

"Just don't let Nikki know," Billy yawns.

William snorts. Nikki is his therapist, and as _if_ he'd tell her. She'd just try to convince Billy not to do it again.

"Wanna tell?" Billy asks.

William rubs his eyes, "It wasn't a new one. It was the one where I'm in bed and he comes and flies me away."

In the dream, William fights, every time. He tries to get away, to fly back to Billy, but Homelander is stronger, and every time he manages to get William up into the sky-and then he lets go.

William can't fly in this dream, so he plummets down to the ground. When he lands, all the bones in his body broken, he lays there, gasping in paying, and doesn’t die. Then, always, he sees Homelander flying above him, holding Billy in his arms. Billy screams, and curses, and tries to get out of Homelander's grasp, to get down to William and take care of him. But William knows that if he does, Billy will die landing on the ground. He tries to warn Billy, to call out to him and tell him to stop fighting Homelander. He doesn’t want him to die for him.

But the only thing to come out of his mouth is red blood, and then Billy manages to free himself. He falls through the air, and lands beside William. William gets to see the light fade out of his eyes as he dies. William, though, doesn't die. He lays there, trapped in his broken body, just like he had after Homelander punched him all those years ago. But unlike then, he doesn’t heal. Just lays there, watching Billy's body decay.

When William wakes up, he can still feel the phantom pain in his body and smell the stink of Billy's decaying body.

"I'm sorry," Billy whispers, leaning over to kiss his nose.

Shuffling forwads and leaning his head on Billy's shoulder, William replies, "It's not your fault, Billy."

"Isn't it?" Billy takes a deep breath.

"No," William doesn't know a lot for sure, but he knows this. "It's not your fault. It's his."


	2. Chapter 2

Billy comes into the barn in the middle of the night. John frowns when he wakes up to the sound of Billy's feet moving towards the barn. He pushes the blankets off and moves over to the door, waiting for Billy to come in.

"You left William in your bed after waking up from a nightmare?" John clicks his tongue, wrapping an arm around Billy's waist as soon as he walks in. "That's a new development-"

"You heard him, yes?" Billy shivers and pushes John away. "Heard him wakin' up cryin' 'cause of you?"

John watches as Billy stomps his way to the fridge and takes out a six-pack of beer. John hadn't noticed that he bought that beer, and it's clearly just for Billy. John can't get drunk.

"I heard," John says gently and sits down on the table, leaning backwards on the chair and watching Billy critically as he takes one of the beers out. "It's not new."

Billy laughs, horrifically bitter, and John flinches, "No, it ain't new. It's bloody been there for _four fuckin' years_!"

He screams the last three words, and then throws the beer into the wall behind John, where it explodes, cutting John's ear with sharp edges. The explosion of fury comes so out of blue that John jumps in his seat. Billy is breathing out heavily, slamming the remaining five beers on the counter and hiding his face with his hands.

Sighing deeply, John gets up from the chair and stands behind Billy. He gently places a hand on Billy's shoulder, but he jerks away, pushing John away.

"Don't," He snaps, turning away from John. He's breathing faster now, and John rubs a hand through his hair in frustration. Ideally, he'd take Billy into his arms and comfort him, but he clearly can't do that at the moment. "Don’t, don’t."

"I-"

"You hurt him," Billy takes his hands off his face and turns back to look at John. His eyes are like two shards of ice stabbing John in the chest. "You _hurt _him, John. You're still hurtin' him. All the time."

_And you hurt me_, John finds himself thinking. _Those eyes full of fiery ice hurt me._

That came out very poetic.

"He's doing better, though, isn't he?" John asks. "He hasn't had a nightmare for months."

Billy groans, "He had one tonight, you bloody _cunt_!"

"Ok, ok…" John raises his hands in surrender. "And you helped him, right? He's calm now?"

"Yeah," Billy growls at him. "He's bloody sleepin' now."

"So, it's ok," John takes a step towards Billy. "You take care of him; you make it better."

Billy shivers, rubbing his eyes, and John takes the opportunity to swoop in and take Billy into his arms. Billy struggles for a moment, but John just tightens his hold on Billy's wiggling form, pulling him so his back is flush against John's chest. Billy kicks the air once and then slumps down, leaning his head on John's shoulder.

"I hate you," Billy whispers. "So fuckin' much."

"Shh," John hushes and picks Billy up. He walks with Billy over to the sofa and sits down, drawing Billy into his lap. Billy curls into him, and cries.


End file.
